Dungeons & Dragons Memberberries Cover Reveal

Someone on Twitter bothered to show off the cover of the newest iteration of WokeC's hollowed-out, shallow, skinsuit derivative that merely happens to display the long distorted and disreputable Dungeons & Dragons label, and despite around a decade between editions it's somehow worse than the previous one:

Before we get into technical issues, let's address the hamfisted Didn't Earn It influences:

You have two blacks, two "evil paleskins" tucked in the back like it was slapped together for bizarro China, and the fifth is conveniently, completely covered up, probably so WokeC can pull a Gaymes Wokeshop and later pretend that their cheap Strongheart-in-name-only imitation was a woman the entire time. Molliver wasn't so lucky, having been both black-washed and sex-swapped into a mentally ill they/themming black chick, which makes it all the more hilarious that he's a thief.

Frankly, the only thing surprising about the cover, besides the lack of blue-skinned gay tieflings, is that they didn't give the red-head a similar treatment, opting to just wallop her a few times with the "realistic woman" stick, but the issues with this piece of, ahem, "art", go way beyond pandering to troons and hideous hobby tourists. But then, what else did you expect from Tyler Jacobson, a guy who attended a pair of west-coast colleges and works for a company that has long considered surface-level diversity a substitute for quality, creativity, talent and integrity? 

Taking it from the top, we have Probably Gold Dragon. Given that the cover is a splotchy mess it's difficult to tell what the fuck is going on with it, but there's another version floating about that, while it unfortunately reveals more, just raises further questions:

Some Tyler simps are trying to excuse this artistic abomination with claims that gold dragons have long necks. Sure, but so do all dragons, and the simple counter to this delusion is that we have other, somewhat better gold dragon art straight from 5th Edition to compare it to:

Best I can tell, here's what the neck looks like:

Waaay longer. Also, the right forelimb is far too small, and the wing doesn't even attach to it properly. And it's not just me: even Tyler's simps had similar interpretations, though they for some reason thought that by sharing it they were somehow defending him:

And, uh, looks like Tyler chimed in to confirm it:

But, hey, maybe the new gold dragon's neck is now like the length of its entire body, and its wings are now detached from its shoulders. And its neck is as flexible as a wet noodle. And its limbs have shriveled to like half their original size. After all, WokeC stopped caring about quality like a decade ago and certainly loves to change things to make them gayer and lamer, to better pander to their mentally ill millennial audience. The problem with this, however, is that the illustration's myriad flaws are not constrained to just the dragon.

Ignoring the Fantasy Seattle demographics and terrible quality, let's take a look at party composition. The first question that comes to mind besides, again, all the post-modern races that hobby tourists conflate with having a personality, is how the fuck are they standing? And I don't mean "what they're standing on", which is something akin to a bridge that might be slanted. I mean, if gravity is consistent for all of them, someone should be falling over.

Here, I drew some lines to better "illustrate" my point:

If gravity is just straight down, which I think it is given the gold dragon's boring ass straight-forward face, We Wuz Mollivar should be toppling backwards. But even if gravity is oriented in a way where she could be standing, albeit in a very strange pose with her legs bent at an extreme angle, then Strongfart would fall on his/her/zey/zhir ass, and Token Frumpy Black Wizard would be floating at a slanted angle.

Speaking of Token Frumpy Black Wizard, which some people are trying to pretend is a dark elf, I have no idea what the fuck she is wearing. It's got random slits in it for no reason, I don't know what's going on with her weird shoulder-pad things, one of them is a different color, and I'm not even sure where the left part of the yellow-slit-robe thing even connects. Also, there's another section of billowing cloth tacked on the back.

Her lack of fashion sense aside, her left ear looks too low, the upper part of her right arm seems to be too long, and her left arm is bent waaay the fuck back, so far that her staff is somehow behind one of her cloak-things, even though it's billowing out behind her.

For Strongfart, I've never seen a cape tucked into a pauldron, so that's certainly...something that is different. So is zhey/zippity/zoo/za's MC Escher's sword, as it looks straight on despite being held in both hands, even though the left arm is lifted quite a ways up:

That's some "sick perspective" indeed.

I'm not a professional artist by any stretch, but if you want zhey/zir to hold the sword that awkwardly, a simple fix to make it at least look slightly better would be to angle the sword so that we can see underneath the guard, and angle the pommel towards us, the viewer. Just a little perspective tip for "god tier" Tyler.

The last part I want to bother criticising is Ugly Redhead That I'm Surprised Wasn't Also Race Swapped But Is Probably a Troon, Anyway: both sides of her hair look to be different lengths, only one is being blown by winds that I now realize are arbitrary given that her hair goes one way, kind of, Strongfart's plume goes another way, as does Token Frumpy Black Wizard's fashion disaster. So, I guess another tip would be to figure out which way the wind is blowing, first.

Other issues are that her right arm is too short for the first half and/or too long for the latter. Also not sure what she is supposed to be holding. Her chest looks really flat, and I don't mean she's lacking in the boob department, though that's certainly an expected issue, but the cloth doesn't look at all like cloth, and the mail around her neck is protruding way too far forward and looks like it's just floating.

It's because of all that and more I can see why many people are claiming that this was AI generated, or at least AI "assisted", as it looks somehow worse than Tyler's previous cover, which also suffered from perspective and proportion issues. You'd think that if you're actually drawing and actually giving a shit, that you'd see some improvement. This doesn't just look like stagnation, but a few steps back.

Which is actually appropriate, given how WokeC has grossly mishandled Dungeons & Dragons for the past ten or so years. I'd suggest they spend more time trying to make a good game with good content, instead of pandering to...someone with skinsuit counterfeit characters from editions published when the majority of their moronic audience wasn't even alive, but then I already made a better version that does what I want, so fuck 'em.